Apologies…

Jin and I went out tonight for a nice little date. Saw a show, went for a walk, ate dipped cones from Dairy Queen. The movie was Click starring Adam Sandler. It was a pretty standard romantic comedy with some good Sandler brand humor. I won’t give too much away but suffice to say that this is an “I wasn’t a good enough person and regret that I wasted my life on work instead of family.” There was, however, one quite touching bit in the middle. Sandler, on his death bed, gives advice and love to each member of his family, ending with his estranged wife. To her he says only one thing, “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know exactly where my life will take me. I have some dreams and goals and ambitions, but in the end I’m pretty much okay with the fact that there are some things that I think I’ll do that I won’t ever end up getting to. But even knowing this there’s at least one thing that I don’t ever want to have as a part of my life. I don’t ever want to die apologizing. I’m sure I’ll have regrets, and I’m sure I’ll be disappointed with some parts of my life, but I pray that my last words will not be “I’m sorry.”

To die being sorry is to die believing that you have truly squandered your life. Though I vacillate on the exact nature of what will happen when I die, I think that at least part of it will be an encounter with God, a judgment of sorts. I wonder if I could ever face God, the one who gave me the opportunity to live, and tell him that the opportunity was wasted on me.

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