Brand New Feelings…

So for those of you who don’t know yet, I’m gonna be a daddy soon. Jin is about 20 weeks pregnant right now with a little boy (we haven’t named him yet, but even once we do I won’t be passing it on until he’s born…though suggestions are always welcome). This is a new thing for me. A really new thing. There is nothing in my life that has ever felt like this. I’ve never been this stressed and scared about something I’m this excited for. It’s weird, in both a good and a bad way. It reminds me of the feeling I usually get right before a big test. The only difference is that this feeling seems to be pretty permanent at this point.

For the past little while I’ve been frustrated about these brand new feelings. They have been tiring and trying most of the time. I still feel a little like that (sometimes a lot like that), but I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that the way I’m feeling might be just fine.

The single most prevalent metaphor for God’s relationship with humanity in the Bible is the Father/Child relationship. All of Jesus’ teachings, indeed his entire life, are bound up in this metaphor. I am only just now beginning to realize that the way I’m feeling is another point of connection between my experience of the world and God. He felt this way. He was worried and frightened, anxious and excited, proud and exhilarated all at once. That’s how I feel, though not all at once. For me it’s more like a wild whirl of variegated emotion…kind of like an affective kaleidoscope or something. But he felt this way, and that makes me feel much better about all of this. It’s good to be in good company.

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